Here is a little known fact that I have spent the early part of my life trying to keep secret. As an old man hoping to influence young men I find myself broadcasting this secret. I am a geeky, anal-retentive person who has always strived to do my best and achieve all that I could.
Yes, even when I was a lad, it was cool to act like you could care less about achievement. When my mother asked how things were going, all I said was “fine” or “I don’t know” or occasionally “who cares?” To fit in with my buddies, I had to hide the fact that not only did I get good grades I worked hard for them. Nor did I want them to know I worked every evening as the janitor for the office where my mother worked, or that I kept a journal and wrote stuff down. Or that I was a reader, going so far as to read things I did not “have to” read. God forbid they should discover my to-do lists or my personal goals.
Here is my summary of what I have discovered to make things work in life.
1. You gotta know who you are
2. You gotta care
3. You have to know the rules
4. You gotta have a plan
5. You have to know the score
6. You have to be good to yourself and not be a fair weather fan
And while we are on the subject of lists and geeky things I think about, write down and review all the time, here are two lists I look at almost every day:
It is what it is
You are it
There are no mistakes
And my favorite mantra:
Free your heart – FORGIVE
Free your mind from worries – most never happen
Live simply and appreciate what you have
Give more
Expect less
But, back to our mission, in detail now……
You gotta know who you are – and remember thing #6
Take an inventory.
What are your strengths?
What are your weaknesses?
What do you like to do?
Spend some time figuring these things out. Softly seek out other peoples’ opinions and take them with a grain of salt. YOUR opinion matters the most. Ask yourself why some things are strengths and why some are weakness. Get honest. Weigh these things and deal with them. Some weakness can be corrected or mitigated and strengths can decline if they are not worked on as well.
Be sure to be good to yourself as you do this assessment. And be real as well. Let me put my two cents in here: everybody on this team has a fantastic inventory of strengths and others will most likely laugh at what you consider your weaknesses to be.
Also, be honest about what you like to do. Use this question on things that you may not want to do, but compared to all the other things you have to do, these are the things you would choose. Also think about constructive ways to “use” things you like to do to interact positively with the world. For instance “I like to lie around on the couch all day and play video games and eat potato chips” could lead to a future of couch design or game programming. Maybe you can invent a better potato chip. Somebody is going to do that!
You gotta care
Because who else does? This is YOUR life we are taking about. Sure, your parents are there to help, and your teachers, coaches and friends are willing to offer support – but YOU gotta care!
Just like in a game. You have to play with heart. You have to have a will to win. You have to give your best. If you don’t, you soon find the game is over, the other team has won, you feel empty AND maybe, just maybe, it was the last game of the season and there is no tomorrow (but just remember THERE IS ALWAYS A TOMORROW).
You have to wake up every morning saying “Yay! – Today is the day!” And you have to know what you are going to do with it.
And yes, I know that some days are not as good as others on paper. Some days you wake up knowing that Cliff Lee is on the mound or that you are playing life’s equivalent of the New York Yankees. But ALWAYS remember #6 and be good to yourself and be your own fan. If Cliff doesn’t strike you out five times, count it as a win – Hey, Cliff Lee gives up home runs (wouldn’t it be cool if YOU hit one), and the last time I looked the NY Yankees did not win every game.
And another thing – there are people out there who think YOU are Cliff Lee; they think YOU are the NY Yankees. Do not let them down. Attack your day with pride and anticipation, because as we go on we will realize that we are attacking every day with a plan, with a purpose and that we are getting somewhere.
You have to know the rules
Can you even imagine playing baseball with eight other guys who don’t know the rules? Or coaching them? How good would you be at baseball if you didn’t know the rules?
Well guess what? Life has rules. Your parents have rules, school has rules, algebra has rules, history has rules, and the English language has rules (at least I think so. I don’t really know. I rely on my wife, super genius Peggy, for that), and YOU have rules.
Face it, we cannot live without them. And just knowing them makes life easier.
Once you figure them out, life is as easy as baseball. (If you are thinking here, I hope you are thinking that – well, baseball is not THAT easy, and it isn’t, is it? But it is fairly easy to you guys and it is INTERESTING isn’t it?). Knowing the rules, what others “in the game” expect” from you and what you “expect” from others helps define your actions and makes the rewards of “winning” easier to define.
And yes, wherever there are rules there are umpires. In life as in baseball, they can be just as blind, as misguided by what “we” think the rules allow as they are in baseball. And yes, there will be “calls” you do not like. But MY BIGGEST RULE in baseball is to never let the umpire “take you out of the game” (and yes HA HA, sometimes for brief moments I fail in this regard – BUT it has never deterred me from my love of baseball. I serve my time-outs and come running back in to play just as hard as before). This is what you have to do in life when things do not go your way.
You gotta have a plan
Okay, now you know who you are, you care about the game; you know the rules – what is your plan? How are you going to win? What is winning? What are you going to win at?
You need to think about each thing in your life. Your world is a giant wheel. You have irons in many fires. You have your family life, your inner life, your social life, your scholastic life, baseball, and other minor sports. And you have only so much time.
There is an old adage about life that goes like this: You can have anything you want, but you cannot have everything you want. Yes there can be trade-offs. We need to prioritize in life, we need to set boundaries and we need to set goals. And FYI, I think they are meaningless unless you write them down. I say that because they do not become real until you write them down.
So write down what you want to do. (And you do not EVER have to show this to anyone)
Years ago I went to a class. Actually it was a series of classes. It was during my CPA days. Some classes were on deferred taxes, some on debt ratio (yawn yawn) and then a guy came to the podium and asked us to write down three things we wanted to have when we were 70 years old. And then he asked us to write down where we wanted to be in five years. And then he asked us to estimate where we had spent our time for the last week, i.e. account for the last 168 hours of our lives.
WOW.
What I had done the last week was certainly not going to grant me the three things I estimated that I valued most as a 70-year old, and it had no bearing on the path to where I wanted to be in five years. This made me think about what I was doing every day in a new way.
So think about what you want. Think about the haphazard effort you are putting forth; think about the interrelationships between some of the things you want. There is a DIRECT relationship between many things. Want to play baseball in college? The last thing you want to hear when you are 18 is that some college coach would love to have you on his roster, but he cannot academically get you into the school! Or you get drafted by the major leagues, but they offer you less money because they know you cannot get into a college program.
Spend some time thinking about where it is you are going and how you are going to get there. Don’t worry too much; you will be able to change as things happen. But right now – in your lives - you are all in the foundation stage. The work you put in right now has a direct bearing on what you wish to do later. Do not be one of those guys who feels stymied later on in life because you did not get something accomplished in your foundation years.
You have to know the score
What kind of feedback do you get in baseball? Well, the scoreboard is an easy quick answer. There are also batting averages and the ultimate feedback – today’s line-up. Want to know how you are doing? Check the scoreboard, check your average or whether you even playing?
Other aspects of our life give us feedback as well. Report cards, the scale, our bank account, how people treat us. Getting hassled by your parents? Maybe you are not living up to the rules.
Take time to look at the scoreboard in life. My big example on some hard to measure scores is this one. In the highway of life is everyone passing you? Maybe you are going too slowly. Are you passing all the cars? Then maybe you need to slow down.
Be aware of the scoreboards in life. Compare your scores to your goals. Make regular visits to your goals and compare your progress. Sometimes it can be time to reevaluate your actions; sometimes it is time to reevaluate your goals. But there is always time to look at the scoreboard.
You have to be good to yourself and not be a fair weather fan
Throughout this process make sure you take care of yourself and be your biggest fan. Like what you are doing. Go at things with gusto. Take the attitude that it is something you want. There is a positive to everything, even taking out the garbage! Actions are actions. It is our perception that defines some actions as pleasurable and some as work. Take the attitude that there is joy to be had in all activity and bring that attitude to all your activities.
Remember, you know who YOU are, you care, you know the rules, this activity fits your plan, it helps your score and you feel good doing it (and even if you have to hold your nose, it will be so good when the task is behind you).
